Back in the days, when I was in my teen-years and a major part of my twen-years I was driven by something, let us say, intense libido. I’m not sure if it’s a natural development progress I’m going through or if it’s a side effect of my ‘focus-on-the-logic’ attitude, but my interest for any kind of sexual activity has reached absolute zero. And by saying that, I mean, I lost interest in everything that stands in relation to the act of replication.
Back in the days I was, what common people would call horny. I seriously have no glimpse of an idea what’s different these days, but like I said before. Sexuality disgusts me somehow. Even things like porn movies, where I was once a “big fan”, do not catch my attention or interest. I already started deleting a lot of the movies I collected over the years.
It’s like my field of interest has drastically changed over the month or years or whatever. For some people is sex some kind of deliverance. But for me currently, even the thought of sex, independent from who, where and how, gives me the creeps. When a slight glimpse of sexual related content enters my brain I instantly start to think of something like retarded monkeys banging each other out of a mood of boredom the whole bloody day. I’m not a monkey, God damn it!
Don’t confuse this issue with relationship problems, it’s definitely not. This is asexuality. I was thinking a lot about how to fix it. I imagined some creepy, wild, naughty things. I imagined some stereotype, trivial things. But I always end up with a distressed comment to myself that says “D’oh! This turns out to be work. Leave it!”
And I see monkeys banging each other.
I accuse mass media to be responsible for this problem. And the lack of time. And the fact that I’m always tired. And the pressure to perform that has infected today’s culture and society.
Honestly, it’s not bothering me that much, because I don’t feel bad because of it, but it made me think. And, additionally, I simply don’t feel the sodding need to exercise anything sexually related. I was just determining this issues and was wondering where it came from. Why it’s there? And maybe, how can I get rid of it. Last but not least, do I actually have to solve this “problem” when it’s not actually bothering me?