No resolutions – just solid plans

It’s these days at the end of the year where most of the people come up with a resume of the current, fading year and a lot of them come up with new year’s resolutions. I’m not a big fan of the new year’s resolutions because most of them get abandoned on the January 1st.

To make a long story short, in 2013 I switched companies and I was able to work in my hometown again. The commuting was a thing of the past and I once again had the time to focus back on sports, because I was a fat whale and wanted to get back into shape. Well, to be honest, I never was in a fit shape, but this should change during the next couple of month.

I started to go back to the gym again and once per week I had a swimming session. Gym was kind of hard during the first weeks, because the massive overweight was something that did not make things a lot easier. I made one mistake, that I returned to the treadmill too quick and I suffered multiple minor injuries and experienced a lot of pain in my knees and hips. But with a few kilograms less, these issues slowly disappeared.

One of the main things I tried to focus on, was to do sports because I wanted to not to simply lose weight. I wanted a large variety to chose from, for instance cycling, swimming, running, strength training and so on.

Running was on of these disciplines where two of my co-workers had a great influence on me. I agreed to join the company relay run in my hometown and took part in the running sessions my co-workers were offering. I have to add, that I never really ran in an outside environment, except a couple of runs during a vacation the year before, and that this was a totally new experience.

It started with a pretty basic distance of 2,5 km and then switched to longer runs. After two or three sessions a 8K was set on schedule and I was very nervous about it. For my co-workers it was some sort of a regenerative run, for me it was like going for marathon. In the week after we did a 10K. I was able to run both of these distances with minor walking interruptions.

I continued my sports programs over the next following weeks and I slowly started to improve myself. I rode my bike faster. I could run longer distances. I could swim much faster. And I finally got stronger and muscles started to grow again.

The summer this year was devastating. The heat was murderous but this is no excuse for anything. I pushed through my training plan and gained some decent results. By the end of August I ran the 7 km distance and an additional 5 km with faster pace three times per week and the issues with my feet and knees started to disappear, because I finally reached a weight that wasn’t that much of an issue.

Mid September was the time of the relay run and I made it to starting positions. I have to mention, that, in the beginning,I was only a runner in case a substitution is needed. I started in the mixed team, got the slowest time but I’ve finished my first public run. I was so excited about it, that I instantly registered for the 13K run at the next marathon event in my hometown.

In the meantime I’ve found a buddy to join me and a friend of mine for swimming. Our plan was and still is to teach ourselves crawling. Till this very day we were only swimming breast stroke and thought it was time for something different. I’m now able to swim crawling but it still consumes a lot of energy and my technique is far from optimal, but I’m still learning and improving.

For the 13K a friend of mine joined me, but she decided to go for half marathon distance. Until this time I usually ran around 10 to 12 km average per running session and I thought 21 km would be too much. The event was yet another very exciting one. It was very impressive to start in a crowd of 4,000 runners. I finished in an acceptable time and was looking for new challenges.

Half marathon and full marathon distance came up on the plan.

During the next weeks a increased the distance per week up to an average of 45 km. And I also started running half marathon distance. The first two runs were very hard and I had to do some walking breaks during the runs, but I finished my first 21Ks.

I did another public run by the beginning of December. I’ve decided to go for the 20K and on the morning were everyone was registering for the, I wondered why no one else, or only a handful of runners, took this distance. Well, I should know very soon. The run was more a cross run than a usual run on roads and gravel paths. Anyhow, I’ve managed to finish this run as well and it was the first 20K where no walking breaks were taken. I was so proud.

So, what’s up next? Well, five running events are already on my schedule. Three half marathons – one in Berlin, another one in the beautiful city of Prague and one in my hometown. But most importantly, I want to conquer the 42.195 kilometers, so I registered myself for the Berlin Marathon. This and the half marathon in Prague are the two events I’m the most excited about. Prague, because I simply want to run through this beautiful (I love Prague) and Berlin, because it’s one of the biggest Marathon events in the world and I want to be part of it.

As you can see, no giant new year’s resolutions, just plans for 2014. I think, the marathon training will be very intense – but the final experience will be worth all the effort and pain I’ll go through. I’m certain about it.

Can you hear me?

The last week was a little counter productive and I was forced to stop with sports, especially with swimming. The reason was an inflammation of the middle ear – and this on both sides. The right side was the painful one with almost no ability to hear anything and the left side just slightly def and felt a little thick. There were almost three days where I had to turn my TV set to volume setting “Screaming out loud like bloody hell” to hear at least the important parts of the dialogues spoken.

My doctor was off for vacation so I had to go to a doctor who did the substitution. I found it quite odd that I wasn’t given a sickness certificate – my right ear was obviously more than just shut by pus and I it was just painful – like an aching old tooth that rots in your mouth.


Right after that an odyssey began to find a doctor specialized in ENT. I visited five (!) different doctors until I finally found one who wasn’t off for vacation or was denying my visitation. I spent almost two hours with traveling around in my city just to stand in front of closed doors and almost another two hours of waiting in the waiting room to finally be able to consult the ENT doctor.

The whole consultation lasted no longer than five minutes, with the advise to get ear drops for my ear. No antibiotics were given. And I had to ask for a sickness certificate. Bloody hell – I was in sodding pain!

Anyhow and almost like I expected, the ear drops didn’t make any difference because my ear was stuffed with so much pus and grind that the drops couldn’t even reach its goal. I needed antibiotics and a shit load of painkillers because the last nights were almost without sleep. So after another day without any cure in sight I went off to the emergency house in our town and consulted another doctor and this was quite a good decision of mine.

First of all, the doctor took a look at both of my ears and found out that both of them are affected. Secondly, I finally got a prescription for antibiotics (hell yeah!). And last but not least I got my ear slightly and professionally cleaned and stuffed with a curing salve. This was all I actually needed. Within another day it felt like things were going worse but it was also this kind of pain that gets you to know, there’s something that’s going to change and things will get better.

Like I said, I wasn’t able to do any sports during these days and I honestly were not in the mood for any kind of sports. But I also found that just sitting around at home wasn’t a good choice as well, so I grabbed my new bicycle and went out for a ride. The first ride was around 29 km and the second one I made the day after was around 48 km long. There I’ve found that the bicycle training in gym was worth it. It was quite warm and hot these days and I sucked out both of my water bottles till the last drop of water, but it was fun and in the evening hours I got a few nice views on the landscape around my town.

This week I will continue with my sports schedule as usual, except swimming. I’ll pause for another week and will then continue with swimming as well. And I hope that my ears will not cause any new pain in the near future.

Behind the mask

I’m wearing a large mask these days. I’m not quite sure if this mask hits its purpose, but I’m stuck. Since I got away from my old company, where I was hired for almost five years and wanted to explore new territories I actually feel like walking in circles. It is even more frightening that I feel as if I walk backwards.

It’s hard to describe. After all these years I finally made it to the company I always wanted to work for and I feel so unsatisfied. I felt unsatisfied in my previous company as well, but one of the main reasons there was the commuting issue which has exhausted me.

The problem keeps growing an growing. Every time I start something new which excites me for a while I suddenly feel bored, in certain situation annoyed, and I want to leave it. The long breath I need to keep connected with something is gone. And it’s not even the long breath, I currently question everything and everything bothers me.

As you may know, I’m back into sports. After a long period with several small and bigger issues that did not allow me to train how I would actually have liked it I’m back to gym and the natatorium. I’m pretty good and fast when it comes to water sports but in the gym I’ve to struggle a longer period of time to get back to the point where I want to be.

But even there do I suffer the problem that it does not really catch me and it feels more like an automated process and not a thing that people usually do to have fun and enjoy. That’s in fact the core problem – the fun is gone.

With this core problem right in front of my eyes I’m watching out for a solution that is not to be seen yet. I’m tired of this and I really want it to go away.

There’s nothing to see

After posting several posts with quite sad and disturbing content, which actually increased the number of my audience (thanks, to all you disease horny bitches out there), I’ve got something more nerdy stuff to tell. Just as a side note, we have to get back to thread where everything started here. Actually, no, sarcasm still rules this blog and will do in the future.

So, here’s the thing. I’ve got my mobile back from the dead. As you may know from a post from the week before, my Motorola Defy passed away for a day. I was near giving it up, but I finally managed it to bring it back to living. A lot of weird, creepy key presses were needed to get into menus of the phone I’ve never seen before. But, anyhow, after almost a whole evening, I got it back, rooted it and installed the latest CyanogenMod. I will stay away a while from Ice Cream Sandwich. There’s too much development that has to be done and I’m currently not in the mood to act as an beta/alpha tester.

Here’s another nerdy thing to beat the boredom shit into you. I’ve filed my tax return this weekend. Exciting, isn’t it? And now? Well, nothing. Just wanted to mention it here and before I leave you with any high expectations. I’m not mentioning anything else about this very topic in the future. That’s it, my short excursion into the world of tax return and boring financial things and stuff. Period.

Anything else? Nope. Nothing. Spring has arrived and I can finally start wearing shorter trousers. I hate these long ones.

…and here we are, the end of the most uninspired blog entry in the whole history of this blog’s existence. Thanks for your patience. Maybe I’ll leave some rather depressing posts here in the future. Just to keep the audience that longs for it.


With several issues like a tendency for a slight depression, a permanently appearing insomnia, chronic overweight, sexual aversion and the lack of concentration for almost anything, I was just asking myself if I’ve already reached the point to get someone professional. All the previously mentioned things mixed together are, in my opinion, an almost deadly mix. I carry several things with me that might want to come out or not. Who knows?

A simple moment of success is month away. Even temper is a phrase that got lost in my personal dictionary month ago, too. Aggression, my second forename. Razor-sharp mind got lost in one of these nights without a single eye closed. Bothered and stressed by everything – that’s me. In other words, I’m in the worst condition ever.


The origin for all this is unknown to me. Maybe it’s a neurosis or some other compulsive behaviour. Whatever it is, it starts ruining everything which makes me sick. I’m searching for the cause of my, without a doubt, weird symptoms. I think about it almost every single minute when I’m awake which leads to my inability to concentrate on other important things. This is truly a vicious circle.

Trying to “escape” into certain activities that could be something like a possible cure failed. I’m also scared that those activities will also lead to an addiction that causes more disease than I’m currently into. It doesn’t matter how I twist it, I see no option nor an opportunity to get rid of these.

Shut up, Hamburg! …and the rest of you

Not many people have the privilege to say, that they were born in a country that does no longer exist. Actually, there are a few million people on this planet, that can say this about themselves, but I’ve not found a better introduction. Back to the thread, I was born in the German Democratic Republic. A small little country, occupied by the Soviets, located somewhere between Poland, Denmark, Czechoslovakia and the German Federal Republic.

Everything went quite well for almost 41 years, till the people of the East decided not to play the game of their government any longer and that it would be such a nice idea to reunite with the brothers and sisters of the West. They went out on the streets, demonstrated very polite and friendly, avoided violence and on October 3rd in 1990, the country where I was born, was gone forever. And everything changed.

Now, almost 22 years after these very exciting days, where I used to put my nose in the air to sniff a little of the wind of change do I sometimes look back and use to drown in silky memories. Against the public opinion, we actually did have sunlight in the GDR and some people were happy, I would say much happier than they are nowadays, and it wasn’t raining 24 hours, seven days a week.

And that’s the point were I go enrage. Our brothers and sisters of the West, when they visit the East, use to come to my (once home) country like an ignorant, arrogant knight that is uses to roll everything over that stands in the way. These “fortune knights” with their little brains and much smaller knowledge about what once used to be my country spot and complain about everything they see, when they travel through my territory. I don’t know where this self-importance comes from, but is necessary to act like you’re on a journey through a third world country?

I’ve recently this behavior while I was on my way back from home after work. I had these members of a debating society from the West-German town called Hamburg sitting right behind me on the bus. These guys were the pure, undisputed incarnation of progressive stupidity and plain ignorance. Talking like they’ve seen the whole but exhibiting they’ve actually a nothing when you read between the lines of their talking. I don’t want to revisit here what they where talking about, but just let me say, it was embarrassing for them if they were even capable of noticing what a retarded bunch of words rolled over their tongues.

For instance, when you were on a journey to a foreign, unknown country, would you permanently yell out loud how ugly everything looks like and that everything simply disgusts you. When you’re somewhat from a civilized country you’ll probably say no, because you know how to behave on unknown territory and you’ve got a fine portion of empathy to not offense the one standing in front of you.

The example I’ve mentioned is nothing unique. I’ve experience it very, very often and it simply feeds my anger about the people from the western part of Germany. As a cynical person I simply wanted start to treat these stupid, bad-ass bastards like they deserve to. But unfortunately, I’m also a pacifist. Lucky for them.

As a final, personal conclusion. I had this stereotype view on our brothers and sisters from the West and to a certain degree, I’ve got proven correct. There’s only a very small amount of people from this particular part of Germany that I approve, because the wide majority is nothing but a stupid, selfish, ignorant mass that watched my former home country from somewhere very high above and just spits on it. I’ll no longer try to be polite and open minded to them, because  that’s simply what I get vice versa. From now on, I’ll be the patriot of country that does no longer exist and defend it by all means necessary.

Bully the dreams you dreamt

The majority of people tends follow a dream. Each and everyone of us has some kind of a goal in life or at least a vision. That’s totally natural and having dreams and visions helps us to stay focused and let us work and fight for this one thing we envision. One of the secrets in life is, you always need to have at least one goal and this one thing to keep you going on. Even though man always longs for complete satisfaction and fulfilment is complete satisfaction and fulfilment the one thing that finally destroys man. This can be a lot of things, like a happy family, a house, a particular car, a travel destination and so on. These days you’ll find mainly material goals instead of the spiritual ones that you could find in the pre industrialized society.

And that’s the point. When you ask people what they want in life, what their biggest wish actually is. You’ll hear at one certain point that they want to win the lottery jackpot. Lots of people are decent and will answer things like to stay healthy or no trouble for my family. But this jackpot seems to mean a lot for a vast majority.

Love, tenderness or decency

Winning such a jackpot turns out to be a curse. You’ll feel like you’ve reached all goals set with one hit without even realizing that you’re on the wrong track. You start to lie to yourself because this win is so overwhelming that it makes you forget what you truly want. Firstly, you won’t realize it and secondly you’ll find out when it’s already too late. That’s the moment where you literally stand on the edge of a giant cliff asking you the question if all your decisions were right. And after a while of looking deeply into yourself and reconsider your past you’ll find, that it was wrong. You were blinded by the splendor of your lucky fate that finally becomes one of your biggest nightmares.

Decency is a virtue and pretty rare these days. I include myself as well in this club of media driven whores that try to get every special item they can get. And this very materialism is the reason for the loss of focus on the spiritual and social things that make life worth a living. I’ve seen a lot people that have almost everything they could have wished or that are in position to finally get everything they want – material wise. But after scratching a little on the surface I found a shattered person with an infinite sadness hugging them in a pale, dark cloud making them unable to see the real thing.

It’s even more disappointing when you stand in this cloud and you start realizing. The golden cage comparison may not be the best one, but is the one finally will fit the describing needs in this very matter. Try to image you’ll find yourself in a position with all the things you always wanted – material wise. You navigate yourself into a gluttony that, again, leads to laziness and ignorance. Even though you’re open minded you’ll find yourself surrounded by the previously mentioned “splendor” but you lack of empathy. Cars, houses, TVs, video game consoles, luxury apartments, well paid jobs – things to keep you busy 24 hours, seven days a week but they cripple you mentally.

I can understand people when they say that their lottery win was the worst thing ever happened to them, because I had this kind of lottery win, too. And it’s devastating me. I measured things wrong. I wasn’t focused on what is truly important for me and last but not least, I was blinded.

Technocracy of retards

Like almost every year did I pilgrim to this giant exposition in Hanover called CeBit. And like almost every year before was I not expecting much. Just to avoid the frustrating moment of pure disappointment about the things I’ve seen and/or not seen. And my assumptions were proven to be correctly.

It was by far the most boring and most uninspired exposition I’ve visited for years. A majority of the booths were the same. No real innovations were to be seen and a lot of things I’ve seen were simply displaced. I mean, why can I visit halls and halls of senseless gadget stuff and accessories on an exposition that was once mainly focused on the “big business”?

This big business is almost gone. Big manufacturers just appear on CeBit just to be there because people expect them to be there. No matter if there’s something worth to present or not. The amount of young kids storming the CeBit is another weird point that summons my dislike. I was once a young kid to that stroke on CeBit, but I was also a technology-phile kid that was interested in the stuff that could be seen there. These days, young kids just get there to get a day off school and collect useless crap.

On the other hand, and without a doubt, the time for real innovations in computer science is gone and over. The standard that we’ve reached in technology these days has reached such a high level, that it’s almost impossible to place a product on the market that makes people jaws drop. The last product that has gained such a high attention was the iPod and the iPhone. Even though those two weren’t actually real innovations. More a demonstration of how to do a perfectly initiated marketing campaign for a product that lacks of true innovations and improvement and to some degree already exist on the market. For e.g. multi tasking was one of the features that came with one iPhone, highly branded as THE new innovation, where BlackBerry and even Android users were just sitting there face palming.

But one of the main problems these days is also that a wide majority is simply too dumb to understand today’s technology even though they are using it each and every day. A problem case that I seriously cannot understand. It’s like driving a car without knowing what the steering wheel is good for. One can also notice this problem when you take a closer look at some students and apprentices these days. Most of just swallow facts without understanding how things match together. More and more do I get the impression that the world is drowning in a huge idiocracy.

What’s the conclusion for all these things mentioned? Well, finally, there’s no conclusion. The exposition was boring. Innovation time is over. The youth leads us into a dark and progressively stupid future.

Chastity’s curse

Back in the days, when I was in my teen-years and a major part of my twen-years I was driven by something, let us say, intense libido. I’m not sure if it’s a natural development progress I’m going through or if it’s a side effect of my ‘focus-on-the-logic’ attitude, but my interest for any kind of sexual activity has reached absolute zero. And by saying that, I mean, I lost interest in everything that stands in relation to the act of replication.

Back in the days I was, what common people would call horny. I seriously have no glimpse of an idea what’s different these days, but like I said before. Sexuality disgusts me somehow. Even things like porn movies, where I was once a “big fan”, do not catch my attention or interest. I already started deleting a lot of the movies I collected over the years.

It’s like my field of interest has drastically changed over the month or years or whatever. For some people is sex some kind of deliverance. But for me currently, even the thought of sex, independent from who, where and how, gives me the creeps. When a slight glimpse of sexual related content enters my brain I instantly start to think of something like retarded monkeys banging each other out of a mood of boredom the whole bloody day. I’m not a monkey, God damn it!


Don’t confuse this issue with relationship problems, it’s definitely not. This is asexuality. I was thinking a lot about how to fix it. I imagined some creepy, wild, naughty things. I imagined some stereotype, trivial things. But I always end up with a distressed comment to myself that says “D’oh! This turns out to be work. Leave it!”

And I see monkeys banging each other.

I accuse mass media to be responsible for this problem. And the lack of time. And the fact that I’m always tired. And the pressure to perform that has infected today’s culture and society.

Honestly, it’s not bothering me that much, because I don’t feel bad because of it, but it made me think. And, additionally, I simply don’t feel the sodding need to exercise anything sexually related. I was just determining this issues and was wondering where it came from. Why it’s there? And maybe, how can I get rid of it. Last but not least, do I actually have to solve this “problem” when it’s not actually bothering me?