Nothing special used to happen for the last few days so there’s nearly no good reason to write anything BUT my mood has changed badly since being back from my last vacation. I took the whole vacation for me as a chance or a way to find out how it will go on in many ways in my life. Those two weeks gave me the opportunity to free my mind from everything and reach something like a distant view on the current status. Never mentioned this before but I’m thinking about leaving my company for nearly nine month now and even change my residence. Watched from a distant view and regarding my overall mood and mind condition I’m more than sure that I need a change so badly. Right now I am totally unsatisfied with everything in my life because nothing seems to fit anymore. Imprisoned is a the word that describes my feelings and emotions at its best.

I first thought that this whole emptiness that struggles me comes from the fact that I haven’t had a vacation for such a long time but now I can say that I was completely mistaken and I can definately say that the whole job itself pisses me off. Like I said, I need a change and this change should be a kind of massive. My entire performance and capability decreased drastically over the last few month and I am not able to solve this simpliest tasks so far. To be honest, I haven’t changed a server config for nearly six month and the thoughest brain thing for me is to do a toner change in our laser printers.

This whole job thing affects my nearby environment as well. I ain’t in the mood to visit friends any more and I actually lost interest in my relationship as well and it often comes to my mind that I should quit. The problem is that my girl works in the same company so the company is even chasing me in my free time and this finally leads me to a furious kind of hatred for my job and the people I have to work with. On the other hand, I can’t stand nearly 90% of the people that I work with in my company and I consider most of them as narcissistic egocentrics or just stupid dumb fucks.

For a long time I said to myself that it is not as rough and hard as it seems and that I should go and carry that weight but now I am more than sure that the limit is reached and that it is time to break out. I also think about quitting my job without having an offer or a contract agreement for a new job, just to stay at home and having the chance to do something for me and my own needs. Well, now after writing this I feel an urgent need for a jog to get these nasty clouds out of my and free my mind. Sure thing is that I will quit this stupid job this year and that I’ll change my residence within the next nine to twelve month. This can’t go on like this…