Break even

So I’ve made it into the relay team of my company. Well, I’m reserve but nevertheless I’m part of a team and I get some good training with experienced runners over the next couple of weeks. Nothing that would hurt.

Speaking of hurt – I kind of injured my heel spur at one gym session the other and instead of just breaking everything up, I decided to give it a rest for a few days and then continue with sports that doesn’t stress my feet that much. At least one time a week I go swimming, so my feet will be fine. And in the gym I moved to rowing and indoor cycling.

Rowing for instance almost killed me after the first time doing so for such a long time. My legs felt like filled up with plumb and I had sore muscles in my neck and my upper arms. I’ve done multiple sessions so far and I’m getting used to it. I always underestimated rowing but compared to jogging, which powers me off quite good, is one sports discipline that’s able to show me my borders.

And speaking of borders – I seriously have to do some extra training for my back. During the rowing sessions I felt that my back isn’t as muscular as it was a few month back. I was never in the condition that I looked like a body builder when it comes to this, but I always managed to train the stabilizing centre of my body quite good – like belly and back.

This is very important to gain good training results, because you don’t develop in a good pace when you miss to do the additional workouts your main disciplines base on. Always keep an eye on your centre!

To summarize what this post was all about, even with injuries, I’m still focusing on my training. And hopefully I’ll get back to jogging and running very, very soon. Everything looks good so far.

Time for a relay

After a slightly of depressive undertoned post a couple of days ago, a more positive post is going to follow.

About one or two weeks I signed up for the runners team in my company. With this assignment and the fact that we will appear at the companies relay in the middle of July this year comes great responsibility. The form of responsibility is mainly focused on my person. I have to schedule a tight training plan to get in shape to run the 2.5 kilometers without having a breakdown or need half of an eternity to finish my round. Secondly is it more than important to get in shape so that my team can count on me. I don’t want to let them down and I also want to make my appearance at the relay with a quiet good finishing time.

running empty

In other words, it’s very important for me to be part of that team and I also want to celebrate a successful finish. For me it’s not only about the appearance, it’s also about good results at the end of the day. In almost two month I’ve to train really hard – absolutely hard. But I also have to keep an eye on my current condition which, in numbers spoken, is a bodyweight of 112 kg and a BMI of 31. That’s a terrible condition, but if I can make it without exaggerating I’m sure it’s a goal that can be reached. The condition to be in shape to run and the finish line as well.

I’ve told our team leader that I’m far from good at the moment and that I’ve just started again with sports and all these things. You may remember from several posts from the past, I was injured and in those periods where I wasn’t injured I was sick. Or just stupid, fucking lazy. She accepted even though I actually am not the kind of runner to push the team on the top of the leader board. This is a good sign for me. I feel safe and sound in this team because I know that I’m with people who are aware that I am their weakest link and they are willing to accept. I’m truly thankful for that.

Apart from this, I’m organizing my daily life pretty straight at the moment. This is one of the leftovers of my year and a half of commuting. I had to schedule and plan otherwise I couldn’t get anything done. All my gym, swimming and running sessions are scheduled two month in advance. The only thing that is left for me to do is to come up with a nutrition plan that pushes me as well. I’ve to lose weight and I’ve to get fast and arduous.

With this first milestone to reach, the team around me and the power of my own will, I’m dead certain that I can make it. It won’t be easy but it’s not impossible.

Behind the mask

I’m wearing a large mask these days. I’m not quite sure if this mask hits its purpose, but I’m stuck. Since I got away from my old company, where I was hired for almost five years and wanted to explore new territories I actually feel like walking in circles. It is even more frightening that I feel as if I walk backwards.

It’s hard to describe. After all these years I finally made it to the company I always wanted to work for and I feel so unsatisfied. I felt unsatisfied in my previous company as well, but one of the main reasons there was the commuting issue which has exhausted me.

The problem keeps growing an growing. Every time I start something new which excites me for a while I suddenly feel bored, in certain situation annoyed, and I want to leave it. The long breath I need to keep connected with something is gone. And it’s not even the long breath, I currently question everything and everything bothers me.

As you may know, I’m back into sports. After a long period with several small and bigger issues that did not allow me to train how I would actually have liked it I’m back to gym and the natatorium. I’m pretty good and fast when it comes to water sports but in the gym I’ve to struggle a longer period of time to get back to the point where I want to be.

But even there do I suffer the problem that it does not really catch me and it feels more like an automated process and not a thing that people usually do to have fun and enjoy. That’s in fact the core problem – the fun is gone.

With this core problem right in front of my eyes I’m watching out for a solution that is not to be seen yet. I’m tired of this and I really want it to go away.

A lack of everything

It’s been quite some time… (n’yah, yet again another post that starts with this lame excuse) …but I haven’t actually found the right amount of enthusiasm to write. And last but not least, nothing worth writing about happened.

For the those of you interested in my “sports career” I can tell you, that it is currently not existing. I’m pushing the gym appointment in my schedule from one week to another and it’s frustrating. On the one hand I feel the lust and passion to get to gym again, but on the other side I’m just sick and tired of this stuff. Right now, there’s a massive need to actually do some sports because I – once again – gained a lot of weight and my nutrition in the recent has been more than just wrong. According to my BMI and a look in the mirror I’m obese.

But like I said, it’s some sort of a battle of conscience in my head and I wonder who’s going to win. My next appointment for gym is set for tomorrow afternoon and I’ll tell you in the near future if I made it or dumped it.

Yet another hobby of mine that got a little abandoned is the photography. But that’s basically a problem with everything that I currently have no real drive or creative inspiration to go out and take pictures. Right now it’s just the comic books that give a little bit of satisfaction and enthusiasm.

Well, that’s not the real truth. I’ve bought a new notebook a couple of days ago. Actually it’s a refurbished one – an IBM ThinkPad with Core 2 Duo processor. I’ve added a few more gigs of RAM that I had around and replaced the HDD with a faster model by Western Digital and this baby runs like hell with a Linux Mint installation on it. That’s basically why I bought this notebook, because I felt a little “disconnected” with Linux and everything what’s going on in the scene.

I’ve rented this vServer for TeamSpeak several other net related things, but the maintenance is not that intense, that I’ve to work with Linux on a daily basis. And in my current job I do more IT management that actual IT administration, but hopefully this will change during the next two years.

So as you can see, there isn’t anything special going on at the moment. I’m having this serious issues with my sports activities – or the lack of it. And my creative inspiration is still gone and missing.