No resolutions – just solid plans

It’s these days at the end of the year where most of the people come up with a resume of the current, fading year and a lot of them come up with new year’s resolutions. I’m not a big fan of the new year’s resolutions because most of them get abandoned on the January 1st.

To make a long story short, in 2013 I switched companies and I was able to work in my hometown again. The commuting was a thing of the past and I once again had the time to focus back on sports, because I was a fat whale and wanted to get back into shape. Well, to be honest, I never was in a fit shape, but this should change during the next couple of month.

I started to go back to the gym again and once per week I had a swimming session. Gym was kind of hard during the first weeks, because the massive overweight was something that did not make things a lot easier. I made one mistake, that I returned to the treadmill too quick and I suffered multiple minor injuries and experienced a lot of pain in my knees and hips. But with a few kilograms less, these issues slowly disappeared.

One of the main things I tried to focus on, was to do sports because I wanted to not to simply lose weight. I wanted a large variety to chose from, for instance cycling, swimming, running, strength training and so on.

Running was on of these disciplines where two of my co-workers had a great influence on me. I agreed to join the company relay run in my hometown and took part in the running sessions my co-workers were offering. I have to add, that I never really ran in an outside environment, except a couple of runs during a vacation the year before, and that this was a totally new experience.

It started with a pretty basic distance of 2,5 km and then switched to longer runs. After two or three sessions a 8K was set on schedule and I was very nervous about it. For my co-workers it was some sort of a regenerative run, for me it was like going for marathon. In the week after we did a 10K. I was able to run both of these distances with minor walking interruptions.

I continued my sports programs over the next following weeks and I slowly started to improve myself. I rode my bike faster. I could run longer distances. I could swim much faster. And I finally got stronger and muscles started to grow again.

The summer this year was devastating. The heat was murderous but this is no excuse for anything. I pushed through my training plan and gained some decent results. By the end of August I ran the 7 km distance and an additional 5 km with faster pace three times per week and the issues with my feet and knees started to disappear, because I finally reached a weight that wasn’t that much of an issue.

Mid September was the time of the relay run and I made it to starting positions. I have to mention, that, in the beginning,I was only a runner in case a substitution is needed. I started in the mixed team, got the slowest time but I’ve finished my first public run. I was so excited about it, that I instantly registered for the 13K run at the next marathon event in my hometown.

In the meantime I’ve found a buddy to join me and a friend of mine for swimming. Our plan was and still is to teach ourselves crawling. Till this very day we were only swimming breast stroke and thought it was time for something different. I’m now able to swim crawling but it still consumes a lot of energy and my technique is far from optimal, but I’m still learning and improving.

For the 13K a friend of mine joined me, but she decided to go for half marathon distance. Until this time I usually ran around 10 to 12 km average per running session and I thought 21 km would be too much. The event was yet another very exciting one. It was very impressive to start in a crowd of 4,000 runners. I finished in an acceptable time and was looking for new challenges.

Half marathon and full marathon distance came up on the plan.

During the next weeks a increased the distance per week up to an average of 45 km. And I also started running half marathon distance. The first two runs were very hard and I had to do some walking breaks during the runs, but I finished my first 21Ks.

I did another public run by the beginning of December. I’ve decided to go for the 20K and on the morning were everyone was registering for the, I wondered why no one else, or only a handful of runners, took this distance. Well, I should know very soon. The run was more a cross run than a usual run on roads and gravel paths. Anyhow, I’ve managed to finish this run as well and it was the first 20K where no walking breaks were taken. I was so proud.

So, what’s up next? Well, five running events are already on my schedule. Three half marathons – one in Berlin, another one in the beautiful city of Prague and one in my hometown. But most importantly, I want to conquer the 42.195 kilometers, so I registered myself for the Berlin Marathon. This and the half marathon in Prague are the two events I’m the most excited about. Prague, because I simply want to run through this beautiful (I love Prague) and Berlin, because it’s one of the biggest Marathon events in the world and I want to be part of it.

As you can see, no giant new year’s resolutions, just plans for 2014. I think, the marathon training will be very intense – but the final experience will be worth all the effort and pain I’ll go through. I’m certain about it.

Can you hear me?

The last week was a little counter productive and I was forced to stop with sports, especially with swimming. The reason was an inflammation of the middle ear – and this on both sides. The right side was the painful one with almost no ability to hear anything and the left side just slightly def and felt a little thick. There were almost three days where I had to turn my TV set to volume setting “Screaming out loud like bloody hell” to hear at least the important parts of the dialogues spoken.

My doctor was off for vacation so I had to go to a doctor who did the substitution. I found it quite odd that I wasn’t given a sickness certificate – my right ear was obviously more than just shut by pus and I it was just painful – like an aching old tooth that rots in your mouth.

swimming

Right after that an odyssey began to find a doctor specialized in ENT. I visited five (!) different doctors until I finally found one who wasn’t off for vacation or was denying my visitation. I spent almost two hours with traveling around in my city just to stand in front of closed doors and almost another two hours of waiting in the waiting room to finally be able to consult the ENT doctor.

The whole consultation lasted no longer than five minutes, with the advise to get ear drops for my ear. No antibiotics were given. And I had to ask for a sickness certificate. Bloody hell – I was in sodding pain!

Anyhow and almost like I expected, the ear drops didn’t make any difference because my ear was stuffed with so much pus and grind that the drops couldn’t even reach its goal. I needed antibiotics and a shit load of painkillers because the last nights were almost without sleep. So after another day without any cure in sight I went off to the emergency house in our town and consulted another doctor and this was quite a good decision of mine.

First of all, the doctor took a look at both of my ears and found out that both of them are affected. Secondly, I finally got a prescription for antibiotics (hell yeah!). And last but not least I got my ear slightly and professionally cleaned and stuffed with a curing salve. This was all I actually needed. Within another day it felt like things were going worse but it was also this kind of pain that gets you to know, there’s something that’s going to change and things will get better.

Like I said, I wasn’t able to do any sports during these days and I honestly were not in the mood for any kind of sports. But I also found that just sitting around at home wasn’t a good choice as well, so I grabbed my new bicycle and went out for a ride. The first ride was around 29 km and the second one I made the day after was around 48 km long. There I’ve found that the bicycle training in gym was worth it. It was quite warm and hot these days and I sucked out both of my water bottles till the last drop of water, but it was fun and in the evening hours I got a few nice views on the landscape around my town.

This week I will continue with my sports schedule as usual, except swimming. I’ll pause for another week and will then continue with swimming as well. And I hope that my ears will not cause any new pain in the near future.

Behind the mask

I’m wearing a large mask these days. I’m not quite sure if this mask hits its purpose, but I’m stuck. Since I got away from my old company, where I was hired for almost five years and wanted to explore new territories I actually feel like walking in circles. It is even more frightening that I feel as if I walk backwards.

It’s hard to describe. After all these years I finally made it to the company I always wanted to work for and I feel so unsatisfied. I felt unsatisfied in my previous company as well, but one of the main reasons there was the commuting issue which has exhausted me.

The problem keeps growing an growing. Every time I start something new which excites me for a while I suddenly feel bored, in certain situation annoyed, and I want to leave it. The long breath I need to keep connected with something is gone. And it’s not even the long breath, I currently question everything and everything bothers me.

As you may know, I’m back into sports. After a long period with several small and bigger issues that did not allow me to train how I would actually have liked it I’m back to gym and the natatorium. I’m pretty good and fast when it comes to water sports but in the gym I’ve to struggle a longer period of time to get back to the point where I want to be.

But even there do I suffer the problem that it does not really catch me and it feels more like an automated process and not a thing that people usually do to have fun and enjoy. That’s in fact the core problem – the fun is gone.

With this core problem right in front of my eyes I’m watching out for a solution that is not to be seen yet. I’m tired of this and I really want it to go away.

Krásné město Praha

There are not many journeys this years appearing on my schedule, actually the one I did the last couple of days will basically the only one. I’ve been to Prague for five days and it was worth every single minute. I absolutely recommend visiting this city. The architectural mix is intriguing. The hospitality of the inhabitants is simply awesome.

We, that is me and my girlfriend,  spent the nights in a hotel called “Aparthotel City 5“. We both are not those kind of people who need a lot of luxury on their journeys or a special high standard, but apart from this, this hotel has got its very own high standard. The owner, Kristina, is one of the most enthusiastic, polite, helpful person one can find in hotel business and tourism. Seriously.

Our room was very good as well. Clean, nice and functional interior and complementaries like coffee, Espresso and several blends of tea. We were absolutely, positively surprised. It was my first trip eastwards in Europe ever and I personally was expecting something “not so nice”. Call it stereotype thinking, but I actually did not know what I could have had to expect. In general, and I can only repeat myself, I was positively surprised.

The city caught me from the first minute. So many great vistas to view. You can reach all the important spots by walking and you don’t really need the metro or the tram. Actually, we had to catch the metro several times because we were foot tired. On our day of arrival Kristina gave us a really good introduction to the city of what we have to see and so on. It was quite helpful, because not all the spots we visited were mentioned in detail in our guidebook. Especially the relaxing atmosphere of  Vyšehrad was a greatly welcomed relief.

And that’s basically one of the things I liked the most about Prague. It’s a city with over a million inhabitants, but you don’t actually feel the rush. It maybe a tourist perspective, but I found it very relaxing and recreative. This is definitely a city I will visit again and I absolutely recommend this to everyone who likes city breaks and is tired of metropolises like Paris or London. It’s different and it’s worth every minute.

If you’re wondering why I don’t post any pictures, answer is very simple. They are currently not developed.

The female descendant

Over the years, when you grow older and hopefully turn into a quite wiser person, you probably want to make some things different and want to try something new. By that I do not mean, that you have to invent something that will solve all of mankind’s problems, I mean these little big things that make the difference.

A lot of friends of mine and apprentices too made this by simply procreating. Sadly, a lot of these guys turned into a bunch of boring stereotype parents. But luckily, exceptions prove the rule and some of them remained the same or developed in a way I would totally approve.

 

This whole procreation thing never appeared intriguing to me and to be honest I’ll always find better things to do than founding a family and raise kids. But that’s not the total truth. I always say that I don’t like children and to be honest the children of other people always stress the shit out of me. But it’s mostly a thing that a lot of these parents mistake raising children for a trial by error experiment. These kids are best compared with a kamikaze pilot in World War II. They don’t know what they are actually doing but causing massive destruction.

Whatever the case, I always think about this family kids thing and I’ve found out that I don’t like children as a whole. It’s more the boys I do not like, because human boys, when they grow up are, in my opinion, the most primitive and boring species to raise that mother nature has to offer. I personally find a daughter way more interesting because girls tend to be more creative and enarmoured to art.

Boys play football, smash their toy cars, play violent video games and try to prove muscle power whenever possible. Even as a little boy, I couldn’t stand boys mainly because of the recently mentioned reasons. I never felt connected to my own gender as a matter of completely different interests. To a certain degree did I have the same interests, but at the end of the day I always had something different in mind. My best friend when I was a kid was a girl, till she moved with her parents to another country.

Another thing that I don’t really like, when I think about this whole father son relationship is the competition. I have this problem with my father as well, where we always end up in competing each other for no apparent reason. It might be some sort of funny when your boy is something between zero and ten, but when they get into this complicated age things will become even worse and they try to make territorial pissings whenever possible. I always hated this. Always.

I don’t know why, but my view about family founding has decently changed over the last couple of month. Even with this awkward depression period in late winter/early spring. It did not just change, I’ve also got an even more specific view on what I want and what I (maybe) do not want. It’s basically no longer this whole anti-family attitude that I was spreading before.

Well, we’ll see.

The grey flap

Always talking about changing gets quite odd and is simply not the bottom line I actually want to drop here. I’m saying this, because I just wanted to start this very post with words like “Something has to change” or “It’s time for a change”. But that’s basically wrong, after rethinking the choice of my words. A correct term would be something like “I’ve to continue following and influencing evolution”

So, what does that basically include. First of all, it will include a change, but for certain reasons I won’t and can’t mention it here. Details will follow in a couple of month, when everything is safe and secure to talk about here. Period.

On the other hand, I will start doing sports again, no matter what. My spare time shrunk to a minimum, which is still pissing me off, because most of the time that it has finally gotten that way is because of the incompetence of others. I’m a person that don’t like to fail because of the mistakes of others. The only fail I can accept, is when it’s based on my own faults. Messing up, just because of anybody else, is completely unacceptable.

But back to the actual point – sports. I gained an overweight that became badass dead serious. It’s like 25 to 30 kg too much and it’s getting more and more the more weeks do pass by. I’m not having a detailed and completely scheduled plan at the moment, but the basic rules are set. It’s the ban of sweets again. Nutrition has to change as a whole in my life again. Even though there’s a lot of seduction going on with commercials and ads in the supermarket popping your eyes like a needle. I simply have to learn to resist again. I pretty often think back to those days where I lived straight edge. And then I remember how lucky and happy I actually was.

It wasn’t only a thing because of the endorphins that were pumped through my body and brain in this sports period. It was also a thing that all the poisons that I once ingested were gone and my whole body fell back to its basics. This sounds pretty much like the words of an odd and creepy philosophy professor, but that’s what describes it the best. More than ever do I feel like I’ve to get back to this way of life again. I’m probably go to make certain rules again, but not that strict like I did back in the days.

The other thing that I’m currently try to improve on is my creative eye. I revisited my photo collection and reviewed all the pictures I’ve done on several journeys and it’s terrible. Apart from all the technical mistakes I made, it’s a creative disaster. Seriously, out of around 7,000 pictures I took, only a handful is actually worth using and editing. It has improved during the last couple of month, because I took a lot of effort by studying workflows of other photographers, their techniques and composing pictures itself. I underestimated how much wrong camera settings can do, to actually destroy your vision of a certain picture you have in mind.

I have tons and tons of examples in my collection to prove that particular fact and I will continue working on getting better and drift as far away as I possibly can from these terrible results. I’ve recently ordered some books to give me more theoretical understanding in the field of composing and simply seeing things creatively. One of the reasons I’m doing this, I’m tired of only working with computers and networks, they bore me to death.

These are the things for now, my plans on how to influence my own personal evolution and give certain things a flap and improve. Because improvement is what makes lives worth living.

Deviant improvement

As some of you may know, I’m an active member of the deviant Art community. I had an interest in photography, did not have any equipment, except my cam on my mobile phone and some crappy HP Photosmart that still seem to run on steam.

Back in the days, I wanted to see, if my interest for photography is actually real. I wanted to see if I stick with it, or if it’s just a mayfly. It turned out, after a couple of month, that this romance with photography was for real. In the meantime did I start doing some research on photo equipment, because I wanted to take decent pictures, too. As a fellow reader of this blog, you may remember that my final choice was a Canon EOS 500D with a standard 18-55mm lens.

My first pictures were taken with the creative programs that came with the camera. But after a very short period of trial and error I decided to switch the program wheel to the ‘M’ position and take control of every single aspect of the picture. It was a very steep learning curve that I took and without a doubt, the first pictures I took were absolutely horrible. Overexposed, underexposed, terrible f-stop, horrible composition, you name it.

I’m still in a learning progress, and hopefully will always be, when it comes to photography. Simply, because the curiosity, that drives you and the will to experience and learn something new, is the gasoline that keeps your creative engine up and running. I don’t say that the pictures I take these days are greater art, but compared to the shots I took two years ago, I would say, I’ve improved.

I’ve recently upgraded to a new camera, a Canon EOS 60D. Very, very recently, to be exact. Next step is to save some money for my first Canon L-lens. The lens that I currently use for the everyday situations starts to have more and more issues, I can no longer live with on a daily basis. Manufacturing wise and also in picture quality. But the main issue is definitely its slow focus response time and the weird focus itself. Well, we’ll see what lens the future brings.

After over two years of being a “deviant”, I can say, that it’s still fun to watch, what so many other people all around the earth create in photography. The community is still a very polite one and it’s mainly the new and unexperienced user that offends from time to time. But the community is aware of that as well and most of these newbies leave as fast as they came.

The only thing that bothers me a little, is that the quality deviant Art once stood for has turned more into a matter of quantity. Unfortunately do a lot of people put out so much rubbish and crap on deviant Art, that it’s almost close to be declared as spam. I mean, why so many pencil sketches of anime characters that no one actually cares about? But nevertheless, it’s still fun to be deviant.

There’s nothing to see

After posting several posts with quite sad and disturbing content, which actually increased the number of my audience (thanks, to all you disease horny bitches out there), I’ve got something more nerdy stuff to tell. Just as a side note, we have to get back to thread where everything started here. Actually, no, sarcasm still rules this blog and will do in the future.

So, here’s the thing. I’ve got my mobile back from the dead. As you may know from a post from the week before, my Motorola Defy passed away for a day. I was near giving it up, but I finally managed it to bring it back to living. A lot of weird, creepy key presses were needed to get into menus of the phone I’ve never seen before. But, anyhow, after almost a whole evening, I got it back, rooted it and installed the latest CyanogenMod. I will stay away a while from Ice Cream Sandwich. There’s too much development that has to be done and I’m currently not in the mood to act as an beta/alpha tester.

Here’s another nerdy thing to beat the boredom shit into you. I’ve filed my tax return this weekend. Exciting, isn’t it? And now? Well, nothing. Just wanted to mention it here and before I leave you with any high expectations. I’m not mentioning anything else about this very topic in the future. That’s it, my short excursion into the world of tax return and boring financial things and stuff. Period.

Anything else? Nope. Nothing. Spring has arrived and I can finally start wearing shorter trousers. I hate these long ones.

…and here we are, the end of the most uninspired blog entry in the whole history of this blog’s existence. Thanks for your patience. Maybe I’ll leave some rather depressing posts here in the future. Just to keep the audience that longs for it.

Rrrrrrrooooaaaaarrr

With several issues like a tendency for a slight depression, a permanently appearing insomnia, chronic overweight, sexual aversion and the lack of concentration for almost anything, I was just asking myself if I’ve already reached the point to get someone professional. All the previously mentioned things mixed together are, in my opinion, an almost deadly mix. I carry several things with me that might want to come out or not. Who knows?

A simple moment of success is month away. Even temper is a phrase that got lost in my personal dictionary month ago, too. Aggression, my second forename. Razor-sharp mind got lost in one of these nights without a single eye closed. Bothered and stressed by everything – that’s me. In other words, I’m in the worst condition ever.

Sickness

The origin for all this is unknown to me. Maybe it’s a neurosis or some other compulsive behaviour. Whatever it is, it starts ruining everything which makes me sick. I’m searching for the cause of my, without a doubt, weird symptoms. I think about it almost every single minute when I’m awake which leads to my inability to concentrate on other important things. This is truly a vicious circle.

Trying to “escape” into certain activities that could be something like a possible cure failed. I’m also scared that those activities will also lead to an addiction that causes more disease than I’m currently into. It doesn’t matter how I twist it, I see no option nor an opportunity to get rid of these.