Behind the mask

I’m wearing a large mask these days. I’m not quite sure if this mask hits its purpose, but I’m stuck. Since I got away from my old company, where I was hired for almost five years and wanted to explore new territories I actually feel like walking in circles. It is even more frightening that I feel as if I walk backwards.

It’s hard to describe. After all these years I finally made it to the company I always wanted to work for and I feel so unsatisfied. I felt unsatisfied in my previous company as well, but one of the main reasons there was the commuting issue which has exhausted me.

The problem keeps growing an growing. Every time I start something new which excites me for a while I suddenly feel bored, in certain situation annoyed, and I want to leave it. The long breath I need to keep connected with something is gone. And it’s not even the long breath, I currently question everything and everything bothers me.

As you may know, I’m back into sports. After a long period with several small and bigger issues that did not allow me to train how I would actually have liked it I’m back to gym and the natatorium. I’m pretty good and fast when it comes to water sports but in the gym I’ve to struggle a longer period of time to get back to the point where I want to be.

But even there do I suffer the problem that it does not really catch me and it feels more like an automated process and not a thing that people usually do to have fun and enjoy. That’s in fact the core problem – the fun is gone.

With this core problem right in front of my eyes I’m watching out for a solution that is not to be seen yet. I’m tired of this and I really want it to go away.

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