Category Archives: Sociabilities

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I need a jog

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Nothing special used to happen for the last few days so there’s nearly no good reason to write anything BUT my mood has changed badly since being back from my last vacation. I took the whole vacation for me as a chance or a way to find out how it will go on in many ways in my life. Those two weeks gave me the opportunity to free my mind from everything and reach something like a distant view on the current status. Never mentioned this before but I’m thinking about leaving my company for nearly nine month now and even change my residence. Watched from a distant view and regarding my overall mood and mind condition I’m more than sure that I need a change so badly. Right now I am totally unsatisfied with everything in my life because nothing seems to fit anymore. Imprisoned is a the word that describes my feelings and emotions at its best.

I first thought that this whole emptiness that struggles me comes from the fact that I haven’t had a vacation for such a long time but now I can say that I was completely mistaken and I can definately say that the whole job itself pisses me off. Like I said, I need a change and this change should be a kind of massive. My entire performance and capability decreased drastically over the last few month and I am not able to solve this simpliest tasks so far. To be honest, I haven’t changed a server config for nearly six month and the thoughest brain thing for me is to do a toner change in our laser printers.

-can't break the silence

This whole job thing affects my nearby environment as well. I ain’t in the mood to visit friends any more and I actually lost interest in my relationship as well and it often comes to my mind that I should quit. The problem is that my girl works in the same company so the company is even chasing me in my free time and this finally leads me to a furious kind of hatred for my job and the people I have to work with. On the other hand, I can’t stand nearly 90% of the people that I work with in my company and I consider most of them as narcissistic egocentrics or just stupid dumb fucks.

For a long time I said to myself that it is not as rough and hard as it seems and that I should go and carry that weight but now I am more than sure that the limit is reached and that it is time to break out. I also think about quitting my job without having an offer or a contract agreement for a new job, just to stay at home and having the chance to do something for me and my own needs. Well, now after writing this I feel an urgent need for a jog to get these nasty clouds out of my and free my mind. Sure thing is that I will quit this stupid job this year and that I’ll change my residence within the next nine to twelve month. This can’t go on like this…

Quickie

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Here’s just a short update of what has happened in during the last days since my last blog post. To be honest, nothing really special happened. It’s FIFA World Cup in South Africa and I try to watch as many matches as I can, even at work. I was so pissed with my old tube TV that I had to bye me a new 40″ flat LED TV screen and I also signed a new contract with my cable provider to get as much HD as possible.

Another thing that pisses me off for a while is my job. It bores me on the one hand and it stresses me incredibly much that I can barely concentrate on anything on the other hand. Actually it feels like a burnout syndrome but I’ll wait till the last day of my upcoming vacation in France if this feel is still present. If it’s so I’ll look around for a new job.

Straight edge is running well at the moment except one thing, my addiction for ice. From today on rule #6 which says “Say no to chocolate and candy! Subsist yourself healthy!” will change to “Say no to chocolate, sweets, ice, cake and candy! Subsist yourself healthy!”

I had to make this change because I personally think that my nutrition wasn’t that healthy as it should have been in last 2-3 weeks and there were too much of this sweet thing crap. Maybe with “Straight Edge 2.0” I’ll introduce something like a “day off”-rule to get more control into flexibility and wanted rule breaks. But I have to think about this rule.

Tonight is the night where I am going to see AC/DC in concert again. I’ve seen them last year in Leipzig in the Central Stadium and now I am going to see them in Berlin’s Olympiastadion which will be a great and amazing scenery for a rock concert of this size. For those about to rock, we salute you…

R.I.P. Steve

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I received one of these unpopular messages yesterday evening via ICQ. One of my best friends told me that our concerted friend who used to be with us on every party and every single event we went to was found dead in front of his house last weekend. He was only 28 years old.

Though he was one of these “cursory friends”, he was a good friend of mine and we shared a lot of interests. We had lots of funny and refreshing conversations about all kinds of things but mainly about the “good damn users” because he, like me, was a systems administrator too. He also was an awesome bass player gifted with talent and an open mind for all kinds of music.

Unfortunately do we had to find out by last years October that he was a psychotic too who was suffering from paranoia and schizophrenia. He had to spent several weeks in a sanitarium followed by a long treatment after freaking out. I don’t really know what exactly happened to him over the last few weeks but I personally guess it got something to do with his psychosis and the medicals he had to ingest. He was a party animal but medicals mixed with alcohol and too many cigarettes will not fit together for long. But this is only a guessing of mine.

Rest in peace Steve. We will miss you.

Project:Brutal Truth

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For around 3 to 4 weeks there’s something like a ‘personal project’ running with one very simple goal, to confront people with the brutal truth.

That means to absolutely tell no lies in conversations even when they may hurt or affect the person in front. Point #2 is to be straight forward and honest in every situation that affects me, like every single rude word or gesture and things like that.

Non-surprisingly nearly every person that got involved in my little personal project felt instantly affected. Whether it was a colleague confronted with a reaction to his unpolite behaviour or just being honest in every single situation where someone wants to hear a polite lie.

People do not like the truth and telling the brutal truth as often as you can makes the people get an opinion of you as if you are the last arrogant human prototype asshole on this earth. Well, I guess I’ll cancel this project

Late night thoughts…

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I am back from my beloved Berlin and it pisses me damn off that I am back ‘home’. The weather is bad, the people are obnoxious and once again I feel like drifting through life in the one of the smallest nut-shells ever. Everytime I visit Berlin I fall into a kind of depression afterwards. Magdeburg is like a prison cell for me. There’s no real choice in what to do in this bloody town. You have like 3-4 pubs that are worth visiting them and there’s nearly no club where you can go to. Everything is mainstream as hell and everyone seems over-adapted to me.

To be honest, my opinion about Magdeburg is not a very objective one but if you ever experienced wandering around in boroughs like F’hain, Kreuzberg, Treptow or even Mitte you’ll know what I mean. There’s always something “new” to experience in Berlin and the city reinvents itself everytime you’re out there and “observe”. Magdeburg is stuck… def, dumb and blind.

I went to the First of May riots with a friend of mine and some of his companions and even though the atmosphere was very aggressive on some spots there I felt like “safe” and without a real threat from someone. Try to visit a simple soccer match in Magdeburg or take a walk in some northern areas and you’ll know what real aggressiveness is like especially when you wear long hear or if your “dress-code” incorrect. Man, I miss Berlin and I don’t want to be here anymore…

Hmm, I forgot what I actually wanted to say… well, it’s late and time for sleep… gn8